Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Forgiveness..... develop it

There’s no way around it, when someone has wronged us, it hurts. It often hurts a lot for a very long time. The injury could be minor, though profound, like a betrayal by a friend, or it could be major, like a physical assault.

The point of the saying is that, no matter the injury, we can’t truly move on until we learn to forgive. And that’s a very tough walk. Here are a few thoughts on the art of forgiveness and how we can all learn to cultivate it.

First of all, think of forgiveness as a gift to yourself, not a gift to your offender. When a deep injury is done to us, we’ll never recover until we forgive. It is a way to clear a blockage in our minds and move forward with new knowledge and new growth. We are a more evolved person after we forgive, and that’s our gift to ourselves.

Forgiveness requires empathy. It is essential that you begin the forgiveness process by putting yourself in the shoes of your offender. Imagine that pain and fear are behind his or her anger.

Imagine a small child inside your enemy who is as confused as you are about the injury. Imagine what it must feel like to walk with the guilt of having hurt someone. It doesn’t matter if your offender will ever actually get to the conscious place of feeling guilt and remorse. He or she need not seek your forgiveness in order for you to have a transformation.

This process is about you. But it is helpful to come up with some explanation for your offender’s heinous action that feels rational to you. This is your mental journey. So, whether you imagine their bad childhood, their feelings of racial or gender persecution, or their feelings of envy toward you, find a reason for their bad behavior.

Now, from that place of understanding, make a conscious decision to forgive that person. Create a private action that supports your decision.

Write an unsent letter to them, light a candle and say a prayer in their name, or simply stick a post-it on your bathroom mirror that says “I forgive (insert name) I have feelings of love for (insert name).” This is a secret act but it’s a powerful action for brain change.

For a few weeks, return daily to these private actions of forgiveness. Reread that letter. Relight that candle. Say the words on the post-it out loud. This is a way to rewire your brain.

The biggest step toward forgiveness is to express it to your offender. Whether you do it in an email (easiest) on the phone or in person (best, if possible) it must be done so that you can move on. And the tricky part of forgiveness is this: to express forgiveness without expressing blame.

Your words should focus on your own feelings of hurt rather than the act that caused the injury.

So, instead of saying, “I forgive you for stealing from me, you jerk,” you might say something like, “I felt so betrayed when I lost that money. But now I am letting go of those feelings. I want the best for you.”

This is your journey and this higher level communication will speak to the highest level of your offender’s personality. And, be reminded that forgiveness in not a magic trick to change someone else. Even if you change, the other person may not. And that’s okay.

And finally, know that forgiveness takes maintenance. During future life stresses, old feelings about this injury may bubble up again. Each time they do, quietly walk those feelings back to bed with the same techniques.

Eventually enough time will pass that those memories will lose their emotional punch.

Forgiveness is the most mentally freeing experience. I encourage you to try it.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Dual personality.... we all exhibit

Let me start by assuring everyone of one thing. We all have two (at least) personalities, and that’s perfectly healthy. In order to survive in our very complex social system, humans learn to put on a public personality that excels at sandbox skills. It’s the face we bring to work with us. I like to call it our “performance personality.”

However, at home, we are more intimate with the natives and our authentic self, complete with tears and tempers, is allowed to thrive. Thus, our intimate relationships are a home for the heart. It’s a place where the real “us” feels safe.

But when do these dual operating systems become dysfunctional?

When is being two-faced bad?

Well, our two faces become dangerous when the differences are extreme. When our morals, ethics, and boundaries completely disappear as our private personality begins to rule the roost.

This can be particularly damaging to children who become very confused by witnessing two sets of values. In intimate relationships, we may have a shorter temper and more visible sadness, but we shouldn’t have completely different values.

If lying and cheating is something you’d never do at work, doing those things privately can be a tragic lesson for kids.

For example, you may not exactly love your boss, but at work and at public functions, you are the picture of the perfect employee, for understandable political gain.

But at home, all you do is trash your boss. What is the message to your family members? That mean gossip is okay? That your authentic feelings of hurt are less important than your desire to criticize him or her? Wouldn’t it be more helpful to children to hear a more balanced view of both your boss and you?

Another time that a performance personality can be dysfunctional is when it starts to take over at home. When some great career success comes with many accolades. Those compliments can serve to boost self-esteem, which is good or they can serve to create falseness.

In the entertainment world, when an actor suddenly has a hit movie and begins to live an unbridled life with a huge sense of entitlement, people whisper that “he believes his own press.” So, taking in compliments for your achievements is generally good, but living a false identity to match them is not.

Finally, our private, intimate personality can be dangerous too. If your private personality is more than the odd expression of anger and sorrow, and instead one of severe pain to your family members, then it’s time to get help.

If your private personality is one of chronic depression, poor anger management, substance abuse, or even violence, then it’s time to drag that private self to therapy.

Here’s a suggestion: Have your public self make the appointment and drive you there.

Got it????

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Boosting immunity with Reiki

The immune system consists of about a trillion cells called lymphocytes and about a hundred million trillion molecules called antibodies.

This complex system patrols and guards the body against attackers from without and within, regulating susceptibility to cancers, infectious diseases, allergies, and autoimmune disorders.

The organs of the immune system include the bone marrow, thymus, lymph nodes, spleen, tonsils, appendix and certain tissues in the small intestine (Peyer’s patches).

These are known as the lymphoid organs as they are involved with the development and deployment of lymphocytes, the white blood cells that are crucial to the healthy functioning of the immune system.

Today there are multiple “stressors” that negatively affect the immune system: age, virusesn and bacteria, drugs and certain medical therapies, allergies, autoimmune disorders, malignancies, immunodeficiencies, environmental toxins, and even thoughts and emotions.

In a normally functioning immune system, cells that are destined to become lymphocytes are produced in the bone marrow. There are two major classes: T cells processed in the thymus, and B cells which mature outside of the thymus. T cells act as messengers and destroyers against pathogens. B cells secrete antibodies that match a specific invading antigen.

In addition there are granulocytes, macrophages and monocytes, all capable of enveloping and destroying invaders. There’s also a strong connection between the immune system and the brain hormonally and chemically, as well as psychosocially.

Using Reiki to boost immunity is a natural and holistic way to energetically stimulate the immune system. Fresh supplies of vital life energy are provided to all major organs of the immune system in high concentrations.

This creates a balancing action which is deeply restorative and supportive to the immune system, regenerating it to function at optimal capacity. The immune system is revived and all of its components once again communicate and work as they were originally designed.

To strengthen and balance the immune system with Reiki concentrate on these areas:

  • The brain as the focal point of all bodily organization.
  • The thymus as the master gland of the immune system.
  • Long bones of the arms and legs as sites of the bone marrow.
  • White cell producers: lymph nodes, spleen, tonsils and small intestine.
  • The blood as there are inactive proteins there which act as immune system’s complement system.
  • The skin as a primary boundary, together with the eyes, nose and mouth as entry points.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


Consciousness is all there is, was, and ever will be.

In essence, it is God or Spirit. Consciousness/God/Spirit does not have a beginning or end, but it chose to come into expression as you.

Your body to Consciousness is like you putting on your clothes in the morning and going out into the world. Some people do “remember”, some of us don’t.

Different people remember to different degrees. Some people have a vivid memory of being pure Consciousness, some don’t.

We are always pure Consciousness in expression, it is who we are. The degree to which we are aware of this determines whether we “remember”.

The word remember connotes a past, but there is no past. You are here now. Always in existence.

I haven’t figured out how to explain this yet, but it makes sense in my being.

Consciousness from this perspective does not intend. If we were referring to it as you, conscious and subconscious mind, that would be true.

However, it is not your Consciousness that intends say peace, it is you (or lowercase c-consciousness). Consciousness/God/Spirit is peace.

What you are intending is to align yourself (your beliefs, your mind) with what already is. How much peace you manifest or experience is determined by how much you allow pure consciousness to express through you.

Add to that, you have a unique blend of experiences, skills, and talents that allow you to express and experience peace uniquely (the how). You are the filter, so to speak.

The same with love.

Consciousness/God/Spirit is love. People are loving because they express Consciousness.

Some people let it flow freely, some people block it. Some people are aware of letting it flow or blocking it and some people aren’t.

What about all of you?

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Personal growth....

The nice thing about working on your personal growth is that when you make a concerted, dedicated effort to improve some part of your life, there’s an excellent chance that you will succeed in the long run.

You may have a lot of thoughts to clear out in terms of limiting beliefs, and you may be starting from a disadvantaged position, but given enough time, it’s entirely possible to completely rework some part of your life for the better.

For example, you have the potential to go from rags to riches, from shy to socially confident, or from unhealthy to vibrant and fit. It may not be easy to make such transitions, but there are numerous successes to model.

These are transitions that many, many people have already succeeded at, and they’re often more than happy to help out people who are interested in taking similar journeys. You certainly don’t have to stumble forward blindly.

This, of course, is the grand promise of personal development, that you can consciously remake some part of your life, re-sculpting it from what it is now to what you desire it to be.

But there are two very common problems that prevent many people from receiving the full delivery of this promise.

First, most people never get clear about what they want. Since they don’t decide, there’s nothing for them to move towards. Moving away from where you are now is not a specific heading.

An “away from” mindset is like a bunch of crazy, chaotic arrows pointing off in all different directions, but in most cases that isn’t enough to get moving with any consistency. “Not here” isn’t a goal.

When I ask people what they want out of life, most of the time I get a very vague answer. They can’t tell me. So of course their lives aren’t going to change much. They have no direction. If someone asks you what you want out of life, offer up a clear and specific answer.

Don’t look to life to tell you what you want. That’s your burden — and your privilege — to decide. Not deciding is still a choice.

If you can’t decide, then you’re deciding to continue the status quo, and you’re broadcasting the intention that more than anything else in the universe, you want to continue experiencing what you’re experiencing right now.

And so essentially that is what you’ll get. So when you keep getting what you’re already getting, be grateful that the desires you voiced are being fulfilled. You are simply receiving what you’ve been asking for.

Don’t pretend that your life will change until you first make a clear decision about where you want to go next. You can complain and moan about the burden of having to make that choice, but there’s no point in that.

It’s better to celebrate the honor and privilege of having the freedom to make that choice. Be grateful that you can choose. Appreciate the fact that you get to decide where your life goes next. Consider yourself lucky that you have a choice.

Making a choice is really, really simple. Most people overcomplicate the process tremendously. Ask a child what they want for their birthday, and they’ll probably rattle off a number of specific items. How do they decide?

They just decide. They don’t worry so much about making wrong choices. They voice intentions based on what experiences they feel drawn towards. It’s that simple.

If you feel drawn to a certain experience, then that’s an excellent candidate for a new decision.