Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A Brush with the Law

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee.

The student struck a deal saying, "I would pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court". Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course.

When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way i will have to get the money".

Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything".

This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history.

Similarly, there are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by some court reporters, who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place. Have a look......

Q : What is your date of birth?
A : July fifteenth.
Q : What year?
A : Every year.

Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks

Q : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A : Yes
Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A : I forget.
Q : You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q : How old is your son, the one living with you?
A : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q : How long has he lived with you?
A : Forty-five years.

Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A : He said, "Cathy, Where am I?
Q : And why did it upset you?
A : My name is Susan.

Q : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q : The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q : Were you present at the time your picture was taken?

Q : So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A : YesQ : And what were you doing at that time?

Q : She had three children, right?
A : Yes.
Q : How many were boys?
A : None.
Q : Were there any girls?

Q : How was your first marriage terminated?
A : By death.
Q : And by whose death was it terminated?

Q : Can you describe the individual?
A : He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q : Was this a male, or a female?

Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A : No, this is how I always dress when I go to work.

Q : Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q : All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A : Oral.

Q : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A : The autopsy started around 8.30 p.m.
Q : And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
A : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A : No
Q : Did your check for blood pressure?
A : No
Q : Did your check for breathing?
A : No
Q : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A : No
Q : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A : Not unless he was out practicing law somewhere


Monday, August 23, 2010

Look up your birthday and see what you are.....


January 01 - 09 ~ Ass
January 10 - 24 ~ Slug
January 25 - 31 ~ Cockroach

February 01 - 05 ~ Parasite
February 06 - 14 ~ Bullfrog
February 15 - 21 ~ Skunk
February 22 - 28 ~ Snake

March 01 - 12 ~ Ape
March 13 - 15 ~ Cockroach
March 16 - 23 ~ Slug
March 24 - 31 ~ Parasite

April 01 - 03 ~ Ass
April 04 - 14 ~ Snake
April 15 - 26 ~ Slug
April 27 - 30 ~ Skunk

May 01 - 13 ~ Slug
May 14 - 21 ~ Bullfrog
May 22 - 31 ~ Cockroach

June 01 - 03 ~ Slug
June 04 - 14 ~ Skunk
June 15 - 20 ~ Ass
June 21 - 24 ~ Ape
June 25 - 30 ~ Parasite

July 01 - 09 ~ Slug
July 10 - 15 ~ Ass
July 16 - 26 ~ Bullfrog
July 27 - 31 ~ Parasite

August 01 - 15 ~ Ape
August 16 - 25 ~ Slug
August 26 - 31 ~ Skunk

September 01 - 14 ~ Bullfrog
September 15 - 27 ~ Parasite
September 28 - 30 ~ Ass

October 01 - 15 ~ Ape
October 16 - 27 ~ Skunk
October 28 - 31 ~ Snake

November 01 - 16 ~ Cockroach
November 17 - 30 ~ Parasite

December 01 - 16 ~ Ass
December 17 - 25 ~ Ape
December 26 - 31 ~ Bullfrog

If you are an Ass: A very loyal and sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of them being quality-personified.

If you are a Slug: Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-together's. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!

If you are a Cockroach: Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well, well... hence some people could even take an advantage, flatter you to the maximum and get their work done. So be careful.....

If you are a Parasite: An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

If you are a Skunk: You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what the best trait of you guys remains.

If you are a Bullfrog: You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware; it is easy for you to fall in love....

If you are a Snake: You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.

If you are an Ape: Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quickly as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique..You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Through the eyes of a child...

If I could see the world,
Through the eyes of a child.
What a wonderful world this would be.
There’d be no trouble and no strife,
Just a big happy life.With a bluebird in every tree.

I could see right, no wrong.
I could see good, no bad.
I could see all the good things,
In life I’ve never had.
If I could see the world,
Through the eyes of a child.
What a wonderful world this would be.

If I could see the world,
Through the eyes of a child.
Smiling faces would greet me all the while.
Like a lovely work of art,
It would warm my weary heart,
Just to see through the eyes of a child.

I could see right, no wrong.
I could see good, no bad.
I could see all the good things,
In life I’ve never had.
If I could see the world,
Through the eyes of a child.
What a wonderful world this would be